New Year, New Location...

... and New Beginnings....

It's almost the end of 2014, and like many people I'm looking back on the past year and making plans for the coming one.

But with one major difference.... I'll be starting out 2015 by leaving the UK and moving back to Nigeria, after more than fourteen years away - if you don't count those short visits back.

It's a move that I was initially very reluctant to make, especially when I went to Nigeria in March, spent four months, and returned to the UK at the end of July. Nigeria had felt like a very strange and abnormal society and I was so glad to be back in relative "sanity" in London. Throughout the summer, I wrestled with the idea of moving back or remaining in the UK, and either way, I was faced with several pros and cons. I decided to do nothing and return to my default position and remain in the UK for the time being. I even started making my plans for the rest of 2014 and 2015 with the UK as my base. But....

Plans changed and now I'm going back! I rediscovered what it means to make a commitment and have to follow it through. That means I finally decided to stop procrastinating and started packing my bags. It still feels a bit weird and a bit scary to think that I'll be saying goodbye to the UK in a few days' time and returning to Nigeria. It almost feels like going back to my past, but finding that I've changed while the past has remained the same. I left Nigeria as a young, awkward, shy teenager just finished my A'Levels and about to start an Undergraduate course. That journey began sometime in September 2000. Many years later, I'm a very different person, with a different outlook in life.

I have to say, that my time in the UK has been a very productive one. I've been very blessed to have the experiences I've had, the husband and children I'm returning with, the education I have absorbed, the exposure to different cultures, meeting amazing people and making wonderful friends, the chance to rediscover my gifts and turn them into a career that I'm passionate about, the places I've been able to explore, and so much more. I'm very thankful to God for these blessings, and I'm reminded that He who brought me thus far to this chapter in my life, is more than able to take me through the next chapter and all that is coming next. I just have to trust Him and lean on Him completely.

So, while I'm making plans for 2015, I'm keeping at the back of my mind that I have to be prepared for a few surprises along the way! "Expect the unexpected" so to speak. Most people who have

relocated back to Nigeria have told me that the best thing is to be ready both mentally and emotionally. And to forget everything you know about living abroad so that you can adjust back to Nigerian settings faster.

I wish you all a very blessed year in 2015. I know there may be good days and not so good days, there will be happy days and frustrating days, as such is life. But I wish you lots of smiles, laughter, adventures, celebrations, success and good health to enjoy it all.

The next time I blog again, it will be from my new location.

Till then, remain blessed and favoured!

WiP Meeting and an Epiphany

Last night (as part of my ongoing efforts to get out more and meet like-minded people), I attended a meeting organised by Women in Publishing (UK). I first heard about them last year, when I was shortlisted for an award, and since then, I've learnt more about the organisation, and the brilliant work they do to promote the interests of women in the publishing industry.

Tolu and Joanna

This month, I was particularly excited because one of the guest speakers was Joanna Penn! She's an author, blogger, speaker, marketing guru and entrepreneur and she's the person behind The Creative Penn website and blog www.thecreativepenn.com . I've been following her blog for a couple of years now and it's such a helpful site for authors like me who are going down the hands-on, DIY route to getting our stories published.

The other guest speaker was Maia Walczak who is a writer and illustrator of children's books.

Joanna was of course, lovely in person, with such enthusiasm and passion about sharing all that she's learnt in her journey to becoming a published author. She talked about the business of writing, the way self-published authors are bringing big changes into the publishing industry, she shared lots of advice and tips on self-publishing, including the things that writers should never skimp on: a professional editor and cover design!After the meeting, I had a brief chat with Joanna, and I'll be doing a guest post on her blog sometime next month.

Something else I wanted to share: I had a bit of an epiphany on my way to the meeting which was at the Strand. I took the underground to Liverpool Street, and decided to come out to take the bus to the venue instead. As I came out of Liverpool Street station, it was 6.09pm which is peak closing time rush hour. So the station concourse was full of the 9 - 5 commuters rushing to and fro, mostly trying to get home. I stood watching them for a while, remembering that this was my life, only five years ago. I too, used to stand on the concourse, waiting for my train and platform number to be displayed on the train. I felt really grateful and  free at that moment, realising that I was out of that miserable 9 - 5 madness that I'd been stuck in, not knowing that there is another way to live. If someone had told me then, that I would see things differently a few years down the line, I wouldn't have believed them.

Of course, I'm not (yet) making as much money as I would like to, but I can now see that life is not just about how much money you make. There's more to life than being a slave to a job you hate. You have to see your life as a whole. The fulfilment I get from loving my career, and the flexibility of being able to work from home while looking after my baby, are things that mean a lot more to me. 

As I walked away and got on my bus, I told myself to remember that moment whenever I start feeling discouraged or upset that I'm not where I thought I would be yet. I have to learn to enjoy the journey and progress that I've made so far.

My 2012 Review and Goals for 2013

It's the first week of 2013! Happy New Year to everyone. I hope this will be your best year yet, and I pray you'll have many reasons to be thankful by December.

Like most people, I use this time of the year to reflect on the past twelve months, and also make plans for the coming months. 2012 was a remarkable year, globally and for me personally. There were big world events like the Olympics and Paralympics, the re-election of President Obama in America, chaos in Syria, bad news as Eurozone crisis gets worse, historical elections in Egypt, the Queen's Diamond Jubilee in the UK and so many other news; good and bad.

On a personal level, as I look back on 2012, I think of it as a year where I had to work really hard, but I feel blessed because I made a lot of progress with my personal and career goals. I achieved some things I was aiming for, I had some surprises along the way, and I also had a few disappointments too. I'm glad I was able to finish writing, editing and publishing my book, Nothing Comes Close, plan and execute a book launch, and collate some of my favourite flash fiction stories into an ebook. I was able to set up my own independent publishing company, Accomplish Press and even get recognised with an award nomination.

Image source

As the new year progresses, I have some goals on my next-to-achieve list, some are "must happen" and some are "maybes" and "like to achieve". I remember someone told me that dreams are just that, dreams, until you write them down and make plans for incorporating them into your life as you go forward. So I've decided to write down my main goals for 2013 here:

1) Writing: I plan to finish working on my second book. This involves the writing, editing and publishing. To achieve this, I should cut down on distractions and aim for writing around 4000 words a week. I also want to write some more flash fiction and short stories.

2) Reading: Last year, I read only eighteen books (insert embarassed face here). That's bad, so this year, I'm determined to read a lot more. I've already got four books lined up to read this month, and several others to look forward to as the year progresses. If you want to know what I'm reading, follow me on Goodreads.

3) Be More Social: Yes, I need to get out more. I work from home, and my job involves hours of sitting at a desk typing away. And for many months last year, it seemed like my default answer to every invitation was "no, sorry". By nature, I'm an introvert but this year I'm going to make more of an effort to accept a few more invitations, go out and meet people, network with other writers and publishers, and generally connect with people in the real world, instead of just the virtual one.

4) Exercise more: Don't we all struggle with this one? I know all the benefits of eating a healthy diet and exercise but somehow, in the midst of working and looking after my family, it gets pushed down my list of priorities. I'm going to take it more seriously this time. I actually started making changes towards the end of 2012, so I just need to be consistent with it. One motivation: I'm approaching my thirtieth birthday and I want to make sure that I'm fit and healthy now so that I can keep up the good habits well into my thirties and beyond!

5) Publishing: I have three projects in the pipeline for Accomplish Press, and a partnership that I hope will enable me to expand the reach of the books we publish. I’m hoping that I can bring more writers to the attention of the public in 2013 and invest more in our campaign to get more young people to read more books.

So there we have it! I would be scheduling regular intervals throughout the year to check up on how well I'm doing with these goals. So help me God.I look forward to celebrating each milestone as I achieve them.

Do you have goals for the year? Feel free to share some of them in the comments.

Enjoy 2013!

On Life: (Female) Family Politics

I'm a big fan of Asa and I love both her albums. I've listened to both albums over and over again. She's such a great lyricist and all the words in her song make sense. She talks about life as she sees it - whether it is relationships, culture, family problems, politics, war and so on.

One of my favourite songs on her second album (Beautiful Imperfection) is Bimpe. I love the simplicity of the music and the beats, but above all, the song tells a story. It is the story of an unnamed  character, and Bimpe is her boyfriend (or husband)'s younger sister. But they do not get on at all. The narrator accuses Bimpe of overstepping her boundaries, of disrespect, saying bad things about her and of sticking her nose into her private affairs.

Now in Yoruba culture, a wife is supposed to respect all her husband's family members, even if they are younger than her. Perhaps this Bimpe takes advantage of that culture and is rude and disrespectful of her brother's wife because she knows that the wife cannot openly confront her. So in the song, the narrator is trying to send Bimpe a warning to back off and stop disturbing her relationship with her brother.

I tried to imagine myself in that situation.Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my hubby's sisters who are lovely people. But we hear so many horror stories of wife and in-law battles, or the political games that both sides try to play to keep the peace even if they don't get on well. I have friends who are happily married, apart from the fact that they don't like members of their husband's family. And I have friends who don't particularly like the lady that their brother is dating or married to. 

It also seems to be a woman thing, for some reason. I don't hear of wives having battles with their father-in-law or brother-in-law. It's usually the husband's female relatives that are hostile to his wife. I wonder why. Are we females so selfish and possessive that we feel we have to protect our "territory"? Do we see the new woman in a son or brother's life as a threat to our own position? Is there no room in a man's life for other women apart from his immediate family? Questions, questions.....

Anyway, back to Asa's song about Bimpe. Someone needs to tell her to chill and back off - that's what the narrator is saying. It almost sounds like "Your brother loves me, deal with it." I love the way the narrator even calls Bimpe out on some of her own issues - Bimpe is unmarried but she has a child out of wedlock. Bimpe has no manners, but she is looking for a husband to marry. Bimpe, fix your issues and stop minding other people's business!

My other favourite song on the album is "Ore", that's another very interesting story. We'll save that for another day....

Did I tell you I looooooooooooove Asa? Here's a photo of me posing like Asa. The photographer knew I was a huge fan, so he handed me the guitar to pose with. I wish I could actually play though!

(c) Tolulope Popoola

On Life: Blowing My Trumpet

I've been tagged (and nagged) by Aloted so I came to update my blog. It was well overdue! Honestly, I've had the urge to blog several times, but I can't seem to find enough hours in the day. And every little creative spark I have at the moment is going towards my professional writing. But anyway, back to the post:

Aloted and NoLimit came up with this idea for us to reflect and think about ten really positive attributes about us. (Here's the link to Aloted's post - here). I thought it was a great idea as Aloted mentioned, somehow we find it easy to remember the negative aspects of our character and we ignore the positives. So this got me thinking... and it was slow at first, but soon I was able to come up with more than ten good things about me.

So here goes:

Adaptable: I find that I can adjust to situations easily. Sometimes the fear of the unknown gets me worried, but once I'm in a situation, I can adjust and adapt easily.

Generous: I'm able to give and share easily. If I have something and someone else is in need, I will give. I actually find it enjoyable to give because I like it when the recipient is happy.  Sharing my stuff comes easy to me too.

Dedicated: I don't commit to things easily, but once I do, there's no going back. I will make sure I see it through to the end. Whether it's a relationship, a project, an idea, etc.

Creative: Of course. I have to be, I was created by an awesomely creative God, lol. I find that the more I express my creativity, the more I get creative ideas. Whether it's in writing, cooking, interior design, problem-solving, or other things, I enjoy coming up with something new and different.

Curious: Not about gossip or other people's business, lol. I have a thirst for life and knowledge. I love to read, to travel, to explore, to experience new things. I love to ask questions about the big issues in life.

Optimistic: I like to see things in a positive light. I function better when I'm positive about the outcomes of any task. I'm drawn towards happy, good, positive things. I like to dream big and hope for the best all the time. I can't stand negativity, it drags me down.

Loyal: I just am. I haven't got many friends, but I am very loyal to the ones I have. I don't think it's fair to betray anyone, much less someone that considers you a friend.

Thoughtful: I consider all angles before I speak or act. I don't like to feel that I acted rashly or unfairly towards anyone, so I go out of my way to avoid that. If it was unavoidable or unintentional, I always apologise.

Team-Player: I can work very well in a team. I like to share tasks, do my part and make sure that everyone else is doing their part too. I will happily offer to help out other members so that the whole team achieves its goals.

Gentle: I'm usually calm and gentle, not a lot stresses me out. I don't like aggression or drama so I stay well away from it. I like my peace of mind too much to go looking for trouble.

There we are! I really enjoyed doing this, actually. I should recall this post from time to time, when I'm tempted to beat myself up.

So to share this, I would like to tag:  Doll, Jaycee, Lara Daniels, Just Doyin, Believer, Vera, Simeone, Yellow Sisi, Shorty, Just Joxy, Enybee, Jhazmyn, ... okay, EVERYONE who has commented on my blog this year!

Stay blessed and favoured!

FG

On Life: When the Bible is Silent

As a Christian, I believe that the Bible is the Word of God and He has put in there guiding principles for me to live my life by. I’m often amazed at how God uses the Bible to speak to me concerning a situation I’m dealing with, or a choice I have to make. Sometimes it’s a direct commandment, sometimes it’s a guiding principle, sometimes I have to discern what to do from the examples of other people’s lives recorded in the bible, sometimes it’s not my choice but my motives that I am reminded to examine. Several times I might have even made a decision and I just read the Bible to know if God approves or not.

But sometimes I know we face choices that the Bible is silent on. Perhaps it’s a situation that is peculiar to our modern society that did not exist in biblical times. Sometimes it’s a cultural thing, something that the Jewish people did not agree with, but it’s acceptable in our own culture. Sometimes the Bible doesn’t always give us the answers in black and white and we have to find other means of arriving at our own conclusions.

The other day, I was watching a TV programme about space travel. The scientists on the programme were talking about how much time and money has been spent by the US government on the Space Programme and how Russia, China and some other countries were also dedicating mind-boggling sums of money to space exploration so that they can claim territories on the moon and other planets. There was an argument afterwards as to why we human beings have not finished solving the problems we have on Earth, but we are going to space. Someone mentioned that if we dedicated a fraction of the amount of money we have spent on space travel to humanitarian causes, we can end world hunger and world poverty. So where does the bible stand on this? Should we be exploring other frontiers, or should we solve one problem before we go and look for more?

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the speaker was talking about the choice between burial and cremation. Apparently some Christians have been torn between buying expensive land for burials and choosing cremation as a cheaper option. The bible is silent on this topic, but in biblical times, the Jews placed a big importance on burial. Meanwhile the Greeks, Romans and other cultures cremated their dead. The speaker was saying that if we were faced with such a choice today, will the Bible be a conclusive reference? Should we go by the Jewish culture or should we ignore that, especially now that the world is a crowded place and burial land is now at a premium?

Then there are other personal issues like whether or not to have children. The bible does say that we should “go forth and multiply” but nowadays there are more and more couples that make the decision not to have children for valid reasons. Should we say they are wrong? What about the genotype of your future partner, if you find out that you and your fiancée are both sickle-cell carriers? What about the choice between keeping a pregnancy that resulted from abuse or getting rid of it? What about the issue of a choice between staying in a bad marriage and opting for a divorce? What about culture versus Christianity on the issue of polygamy? (Yes there are some Christians that defend polygamy. I was shocked when I found some books and resources where some people argued that many of the great men in the bible were polygamous and God still blessed them). So if that was not God’s plan, why is the bible silent on such a major topic?

Sometimes the issue is not even that the bible is silent, but it seems to contradict itself. There are many passages that suggest the exact opposite of each other. We then have people split into factions, each side quoting the bible to support their stand. Many churches have been split up over issues that the bible does not have a clear answer, for example: female church leaders, polygamy, eating certain foods, what to do with church leaders that sin, and many more. These generate countless questions that we can debate for hours and years but ultimately we have to come to our own conclusions.

I feel that if I come across a question or a choice that the bible does not adequately address, I have to then go to God directly and ask Him what to do and what to believe. I know don’t have all the answers, I don’t have the full picture and I certainly can’t solve all of the world’s problems. I have one way of knowing if I’m taking the right step: peace. If I feel at peace with my decision, then I’m confident that I’m in God’s will. Now it’s not my place to impose my own view or my own choices on other people for what works for me is not necessarily what will work for everybody. Only God sees all and knows all. I’ll let Him be the judge.

On Life: I Like Being Me

She was my friend, from way back in secondary school. Back then I was an awkward, insecure teenager not sure of who I was. She was the pretty and popular one, the confident one, the one with all the social skills. Everyone liked her – from the principal, to the staff and to the students. Everyone wanted to be her friend. I was the painfully shy and quiet one that hardly ventured out of my shell and the few close friends I had. I used to wish I was like her, I wished I had some of her beauty and her popularity. Fortunately, I wasn’t jealous of her and she was a very nice girl, so we got on brilliantly in spite of our obvious different personalities. We were very close friends throughout secondary school days; we had secret codes that only two of us could understand. She was the only person I could willingly allow to read my diary, which is saying a lot as I was quite a guarded person back then.

We remained friends after secondary school. We even went to college together, becoming friends with another girl and together the three of us formed a close knit group. After college I came to the UK to study and she remained in Nigeria, but we still kept in touch. The distance was never a problem, she came over once a year and a simple phone call was all it took for us to resume our friendship where we left off.

Okay, fast forward to last week. I logged onto yahoo messenger and she was online so we started chatting. We had been talking about normal girly stuff for a bit when I mentioned that I cut my hair off cos I wanted to start over and that’s when the conversation changed.

She said: “I don’t have the courage to do half of the things you do”

I was like “What? What things?”

She said: “You do brave things. Like cutting your hair and starting over. I could never do that”

I said: It wasn’t a big deal. I just didn’t like my permed hair anymore”

She said: “It’s not just that. You travel a lot, you eat all kinds of foods when you travel, and you quit your job to become a writer”

I said: “lol, that’s just me becoming more adventurous”

She said: “I wish I was like that. You’re my role model”

I can’t remember what I typed next cos in my mind I was like “REALLY!”

Thinking about our conversation later, something interesting struck me. I couldn’t believe that I had spent a lot time when I was younger wishing I was more like her, but all the while she was wishing she was more like me! It was quite a revelation to me that she could even think of me as her role model, something I had never even imagined myself to be, except maybe to my little sisters.

I’m glad I’m no longer that awkward, insecure teenager. I am now secure in who I am. It’s such a blessing to realise that I am the best person to be. God made me, ME for a reason and I’m not meant to be trying to be anyone else. It’s when I stop trying to be someone else that I appreciate who I am. And that’s when I find out other people want to be like me.

On Life: I Need a Wife

Yes I'm female and I'm married to a guy, excuse the tongue-in-cheek title. I've got so many things going on in my mind and I couldn't decide what to talk about. So I just decided to write whatever popped into my head today.

One day I popped into my local WHSmith and picked up a writers magazine. In it there was an article talking about how writers face time management issues with structuring their work around other daily activities, especially if they are full time writers and don't have the structure of the 9 - 5 routine. The article included a survey of writers, a mixture of both men and women, and the responses they gave. The majority of the male writers said that they had no time management problems as such, they just got up from bed in the morning, had breakfast and then went to their study to get on with work. The female writers seemed to have a more complicated day however. One of them said she has to get up, make breakfast for everyone, get the kids bathed, dressed and ready for school, go and drop the kids off, come back home, clear away the breakfast plates, do the washing up, sort out the laundry, and plan what to cook for lunch before she starts her writing for the day. She might need to also do some shopping to stock up the fridge. In the afternoon, she has to prepare lunch, pick the kids up from school, feed them, supervise them and play with them, or find something to engage them while she works. When dinner time comes around, she has to cook for the family and clear up before returning to her work. It's much harder for a female to work from home where there are a myriad of tasks that keep distracting her from her work.

The writer of the article commented that it must be nice to be a man and have a woman in your life to do all the domestic stuff for you while you just get on with your job. Somebody has to look after the home whether one or both parties are working. Nowadays there are some men who don't mind helping the woman out in the home sometimes, but it's still not automatically a shared responsibility. That got me daydreaming about how nice it must be to have someone who looks after me while I spend hours in my study writing.

(Daydreaming) I would like to wake up in the morning and my breakfast is ready for me on the table. My study has been cleaned, my clothes are washed, ironed and ready for me to wear to work. After breakfast I disappear into my study to write for hours on end and I don't come out until lunch time. When I finish working for the day, my dinner is on the table and I can just relax and watch TV. The children are tucked into bed and I go to wish them goodnight. My own bed is neatly laid when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning, the cycle continues. (End of daydream).

On Life: Death and After

Today I am reminded just how unpredictable this life is. Most of us hope and expect that we would live long enough to see our children and grandchildren. We think we can always count on there being another day called 'tomorrow'. But who really knows how long we are here for? Who can estimate how much time we've got left to spend on earth?

Case in point: Mr X woke up this morning, he had breakfast, said goodbye to his wife and kids, went to work as normal, and suddenly his wife gets a phone call, "Mrs X? I'm afraid your husband has been involved in a fatal accident...." and things never remain the same. Even if it is not an accident, it could be an illness. Right now I can mention two people who have been battling cancer and the doctors have told them that there is nothing more they can do.

Some weeks ago I read a book called "The Shock of Your Life" by Adrian Holloway, about three teenagers who died in an accident. The story follows each of them on an imaginary journey of what happens to them after they are dead. Reading this book made me think about death in a different way. When somebody dies, we grieve, we make preparations for a funeral, we bury them, pray that they rest in peace and carry on with our lives. But what happens to the dead person? The book attempts to cover some of these questions and you can read more on their website.

As a Christian, I believe that death is not the end, it is a separation from earth and current relationships, but there's more. I believe that Jesus Christ conquered death on the cross, and I have accepted Him into my life, then I am sure that after I die, I will see Him again. I will go to heaven and live with Him there for eternity. It doesn't mean that the prospect of death is not scary but I have this confidence that I have a far more wonderful experience after I leave earth.

Being conscious of what happens when I die means I am now more aware of how I live. If this world is all there is to life, then we can do whatever we like, live our lives without any obligations to anybody, satisfy ourselves with all the pleasures we can think of, etc. But if I know that my choices and actions here on earth will determine where I spend eternity, then it's up to me to ensure that I live right, according to God's principles. And I am ready to face Him, even if my life ends today.

So if I asked you: where would you be after you die, what would your answer be?

On Life: More Lessons

I've learnt to appreciate the peace of mind that comes from God.

I've learnt that other people deserve to be forgiven when they upset me.

I've learnt not to let the sun go down on my anger.

I've learnt that what matters is not really my comfort, but what I have been called to do.

I've learnt that I need to let go of my pride.

I've learnt that I need to be more patient.

I've learnt that I cannot expect to live without God's strength.

I've learnt that money is good, but it should not be abused.

I've learnt that I am inherently selfish and I need God to help me deal with that.

I've learn that I can't or shouldn't even try to hide from God.

I've learnt that even when I don't understand the situations I find myself, God is still in control.

I've learnt that I need God's grace to carry out the tasks ahead of me.

I've learnt that I have been called to serve others, not the other way round.

I've learnt that God is never late, He's always on time.

I've learnt again, that God is faithful even when I'm not.

I've learnt that God is absolutely crazy about me!

On Life: Waiting

Waiting is so hard.I've been waiting for something for so long. I have prayed and fasted, yet it seems God doesn't hear me. I have waited patiently, and sometimes impatiently. Sometimes I am encouraged, and sometimes I am discouraged. Sometimes it feels like the answer is near. Sometimes it feel like the answer is far away. Sometimes I feel that God wants me to have this thing, sometimes I'm not so sure. Sometimes it's easy to smile and keep hope alive. But sometimes it's hard to stay hopeful. Sometimes I can cheer myself up, and sometimes I feel like crying.

I had been feeling discouraged. But then I remembered: God had been good to me thus far. He has been faithful to me. He has never failed me when I needed Him most. And I have no other person to turn to. I shouldn't let my problem take me away from God. I should draw nearer to God in times of trouble. Only Him can meet my deepest needs. Only Him can hear my most earnest prayer. Only Him can give me complete peace of mind.

Yes it is very hard waiting. But God can use me in that time. And develop the gift of patience in me while I wait.

On Life: Our Shared Values as Nigerians

Recently in the UK, the media have been talking about the idea of teaching young people about "shared British values" such as tolerance and respect. These are the principles we have ingrained in our culture and in our attitudes. They are the values that our grandparents passed down to our parents, who passed them down to us. I thought to myself , if the British have core values that make them who they are, what are my values as a Nigerian then?

As a Nigerian living outside the country, I am very much aware that we have acquired a bad reputation in the international community. This is due to widespread corruption, fraud and 419 activities committed by many desperate Nigerians. Some of our leaders are not much better, as a few have been caught with wealth from dubious sources. But for every Nigerian criminal that commits a crime, there are thousands more out there who are decent, honest and hardworking people. There are Nigerians living, studying and working in almost every country I can think of causing no trouble. So how would our host nations describe us? What adjectives would I use to describe my fellow country folks?

For one thing, I could describe us as having pride. Most Nigerians I know are very proud of their identity. Sometimes to the extent that we are wary of non-Nigerians claiming to be from Nigeria. Most Nigerians are proud of where they come from. Whichever country we are based in abroad, we usually identify with other Nigerians we meet and we build social networks because of our common background. (Even on blogspot, we have built a strong virtual Naija community!). We are also very proud of our achievements and possessions. Whatever we have, we are proud to show it off. Wealthy and really humble Nigerians are quite rare actually. Sometimes this is good, but sometimes we use it to 'impress' or 'oppress' other people. And then we create a competitive situation. Everybody tries to 'keep up with the neighbours' because they want what the other person has.

Another value I think we have is respect. Growing up in Nigeria, one of the things hammered into my head over and over again was respect. As a child, you are taught to respect all your elders, you must greet everybody you see politely, you must not talk back to your elders, you shouldn't interrupt when an elder is speaking, etc. I used to think it was all a big bother. But now that I'm older, I see it reflects back on me if people perceive me as polite and good mannered or rude and ill-mannered. And I'm glad that I don't have to worry about it because being polite and respectful is already part of who I am.

Nigerians are also (usually) very hardworking. Most of us were brought up with the idea that failure is a disgrace, so were pushed and pushed till we succeed. Parents go all out to ensure that their children achieve their goals. And even if we fail, we don't accept it as the end. No, we must find a way to pick ourselves up and keep trying. (I used to think this was normal until I met people who gave up trying after the first hurdle, and parents who couldn't be bothered about their children's success). This leads me to the next value: we don't take no for an answer. How many Nigerians do you know that have been to the UK or US embassy 20 times? Each time they are turned away, and soon they are back there to try again. We don't give up even when the going gets tough!

I can mention a few more things common to many Nigerians that I know: we are adaptable, we take risks, we love enjoying ourselves, we are quite religious, we are optimistic, etc etc. However, there are some funny things that only Nigerians do. For example, only a Nigerian would have 6 mobile phones, why, because he just can't have one. Only a Nigerian would attempt to take a 45kg suitcase onto a plane when the luggage allowance is 32kg. Still, we are a unique group of people, as diverse as can be, but having many shared values. Yes I'm a Nigerian and I'm proud of it! If you are a Nigerian, please add your ideas of our shared values.

On Life: If......

If I knew what I know now at 15, would I make different choices ?
If I could rewind and freeze time, would I stay in the past?
If I could rule the world for one week, what decisions would I make?
If I knew how many days I had to live on earth, how will I live them?
If I don't try to conform with the world around me, would I run out of excuses?
If I had a choice before birth, would I have chosen to be me?
If I had the vision of me in 20 years' time, what would I advise my current self to do?
If I hold the key to happiness, would I share it with others?
If I never procrastinated or broke my promises, how much of a better person would I be?

***

If I never put in 100% effort, I would never know what I am capable of.
If I don't dream it, I would never achieve it.
If I can make a difference in the world around me, I should
If I have never truly grasped the meaning of love, I haven't lived
If I smiled at one stranger everyday, I would have even more friends.

On Life: Having a Dream

A dream makes life worth living
A dream gives you purpose
A dream gives you focus
A dream gives you ideas
A dream gives you inspiration
A dream gives you determination
A dream gives you tenacity
A dream gives you passion
A dream gives you vision
A dream makes you see possibilities
A dream helps you overcome challenges
A dream broadens your horizons
A dream gives you fulfilment
A dream gives you abilities
A dream gives you ambitions


Some notable quotes:

"To me, there is only one form of human depravity - the man without a purpose." --Ayn Rand in Atlas Shrugged

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it." --Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"It's never too late to be who you might have been." --George Elliot

"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach." --Benjamin Mays

"By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands — your own." --Mark Victor Hansen