The Subconscious is Awesome

Did you know? Apparently, your subconscious mind is 30,000 times more powerful than your conscious mind.

I've been doing a lot of non-fiction reading in the past few months. I wanted to read more personal development books, books on successful entrepreneurship, books on living a life of purpose, books on growth, positive mindset and so on. In my reading, I stumbled upon some concepts around harnessing the power of the subconscious mind. These concepts are not new, in fact they've existed since the beginning of time, but I was reading them this time, with the intention to apply these principles to my life, especially when it comes to setting my big goals and putting things in place to achieve them. I've also learned about the power of my thoughts. Thoughts create things. What you think about will determine your actions, and your actions will bring you the results you've created.

There is no special technique to activate your subconscious mind if you have a clear goal and a burning desire to achieve the goal. The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.

I was reminded of this phenomenon just this morning. A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend who wants to write a novel. We've worked together in the past, and we enjoyed writing our blog series together, so she was thinking about taking the character (Funmi) and writing her complete story. Whilst we were chatting, I mentioned that I needed to start writing Temmy's story too. I decided that I will finish working on the Creative Writing Course in December, and I'll restart my 100-Day Novel Writing Challenge in January, which is the time-frame I'll use to complete the novel, at least the first or second draft. She said it was a good idea, and she would think about joining me in the 100 day challenge so that we can motivate each other.

After the discussion with my friend, I made a note of my schedule for the next few months, and moved on to do other things. And then something interesting happened. Last night, I had a dream about Temmy's story, specifically her love interest, and the first chapter of their story. A very detailed, vivid dream. It was like wow! While I was doing other things during the day, my subconscious mind had gone to work, putting some ideas together, and while I was sleeping, the ideas just came to me, almost ready to go.

I'm sure a lot of writers can relate to this. Sometimes, ideas just "come" to you when you're least expecting them; perhaps when you're in the shower, when you're about to fall asleep, when you're doing the dishes. Sometimes, you've been sweating over a particularly knotty bit of your story for days or weeks with no success, but when you step away from it and take a break to focus on something else, suddenly you see a way out. I think that's your subconscious doing its work in the background, solving your dilemma and giving you a solution.

Well, for me, this is great! I'm excited about writing this next book now, and I can't wait to start putting my ideas together. I'm also going to continue working on harnessing the power of my subconscious mind, so that I can have more exciting breakthroughs like this. That would be awesome, wouldn't it?

Have you ever had a similar experience? Do you engage your subconscious mind to help you with making decisions or tackling a problem? Let me know!

As always, stay blessed and favoured!

Tolulope Popoola

Welcome to Lagos

Hi friends! I know I mentioned earlier in the year that I was leaving the UK, and relocating to Nigeria with my family. Which we did, and we gradually began to settle down into our new life. We were in Port Harcourt, for a while. I got to make friends with other parents in my daughter's school, I was invited to join a book club, which was great fun, and we eventually found a church that we liked, and stuck with. Knowing me, this was a big deal :)

But somehow, I still felt like I was in transition. I was neither here nor there. Like I was in Nigeria, but not really home. I guess that was because I was born in Lagos, and that's where I grew up until I was 17. Whenever we had a reason to visit Lagos, I always felt like, "okay, this is the Nigeria I'm still missing." because all my previous connections to Nigeria are in Lagos! My parents, my extended family, my childhood friends, school mates, etc.

In June, our time in Port Harcourt was coming to an end, and we had two choices: return to the UK, or move to Lagos if we want to continue with the Nigerian experiment. I have to say, I was really torn. I considered returning to the UK. At least, I knew what to expect, not just for myself but also for the children. But then I considered moving to Lagos too. I sort of guessed that I would have a different feeling about staying in Nigeria if I moved to Lagos. So hubby and I decided to give it a try.

So, long story short, we are now in Lagos! We did go to the UK for a holiday in the summer (where I had an interesting and annoying episode of chicken pox, among other fun things). But we're back now and it seems we're going to be here for a while.

We've spent the first couple of months (September and October) adjusting to our new abode. I hate all the packing, unpacking, resettling and mess that goes on with a house move, but... oh well. I still have boxes around the house that I haven't unpacked yet, and I'm not even looking forward to it. We still need some furniture and other things around the house, so it will be a while before we're fully settled. At least we've got the major things out of the way: hubby has started his new job and the children have been enrolled in school, so we're good! :)

However, I have to say that in spite of the upheavals, I'm actually feeling positive about moving to Lagos. I'm already enjoying a more interesting social life, and seeing more work opportunities coming my way. I'm able to hang out with friends, and visit my family often. There are also lots of great cultural, literary and arts events that take place in Lagos so I'll definitely be taking advantage of those. The children also have a lot more options for leisure and play so... win-win for everyone.

I hope I'll be able to connect with some online friends too. If you're based in Lagos, say hi! Maybe I'll come out of my cyber-shell a bit more and show up in a few places. I'm already excited about being in Lagos over the Christmas and New Year period. It's going to be so much fun. 

With regards to my coaching and publishing work, that's also going well. In fact, I'm hosting a Creative Writing Class in November for writers who want to write a novel. This will be my first in-person training event. I'm excited and a bit nervous! But I'm confident that I know my stuff, and I'm going to give a lot of great information to the participants and maybe even learn a new thing or two.

I'm also working on a new series of flash fiction stories that will be published soon, so stay tuned!

Till next time, remain blessed and favoured!

Tolulope Popoola

"Boomerang" Short Film and other Updates

I've been trying to write this post for two months.

Every time I try to compose something, my head goes blank, and a million and one other things suddenly seem more interesting.

So let's just summarize the stories. I've been in Nigeria for four months. The year 2015 has already been interesting so far and my move back to Nigeria has gone better than I expected. Thankfully, we are settled in now, and we're all doing well. There are some things I've managed to adapt to, and some things I haven't adjusted to yet. Some things still make me pause, and reflect on the idea that I'm in a different place. Er, electricity supply and mosquitoes, anyone? Crazy impatient driving and traffic? I do have less culture shock now, sometimes I watch Nollywood movies to familiarise myself with the way most Nigerians think, and why we act the way we do. Once in a while, I still do mental currency conversions when I'm out shopping. I think I need to stop doing that cos it just makes me feel cheated a lot of the time. It's also been interesting watching my daughter adapt to living in Nigeria. She no longer cries when the electricity goes off, she just grumbles and moves on to something else. Hmmm.

On the other hand, there are some things I'm happy not to have to deal with. Going to my daughter's school now I'm not worried about the fact that she's a black child in a predominantly white school, and all the issues that could arise from that. I'm happy that there's no political correctness associated with her participation in normal activities because she is "different"due to the colour of her skin or her ethnic background.

We've just witnessed the general elections here in Nigeria, and after the months of build-up, I'm so glad they're over now. I couldn't vote or anything, so I just listened and observed. And boy! My eyes and ears are full. Well, we have a new president-elect and a new ruling party, so it will be up to them to fulfil the promise of "Change" that they chorused throughout their campaigns. I'll adopt a wait-and-see stance. Then we'll start the whole process again in about four years' time. What I would really like to see next time around, is a female presidential candidate that I can really believe in.

In other news, I've been keeping busy with church-hunting (still haven't found one to settle into), building a whole new social life (em...em..) and work! Yay for Accomplish Press and all my writing projects keeping me busy. We've just published a children's book,  "A Miracle for Daddy" by Sunny Jack Obande, (see the cover). It's a great book for 5 - 12 year-olds and it is available in both ebook and paperback formats. You can find out more about the book and purchase a copy from most online bookstores including Amazon.

I'll be publishing my second collection of flash fiction stories very soon and I'm really excited about it. It will include some of my favourite stories as well as some new, exclusive ones. Sign up here to be the first to know when it's out and win a free copy! http://eepurl.com/beWNxf  (I won't send you spam, I promise!)

So that's all for now folks! Oh and before I forget, guess what? Three of my previous flash fiction stories were adapted into a short film! Yay! It was a really nice surprise when the producer, Henry Eruotor sent me an email to say what he was doing. The full feature is out now, and you can watch it here:

 

I would love to read your comments on the film.

Thanks again for dropping by, and God bless!

New Year, New Location...

... and New Beginnings....

It's almost the end of 2014, and like many people I'm looking back on the past year and making plans for the coming one.

But with one major difference.... I'll be starting out 2015 by leaving the UK and moving back to Nigeria, after more than fourteen years away - if you don't count those short visits back.

It's a move that I was initially very reluctant to make, especially when I went to Nigeria in March, spent four months, and returned to the UK at the end of July. Nigeria had felt like a very strange and abnormal society and I was so glad to be back in relative "sanity" in London. Throughout the summer, I wrestled with the idea of moving back or remaining in the UK, and either way, I was faced with several pros and cons. I decided to do nothing and return to my default position and remain in the UK for the time being. I even started making my plans for the rest of 2014 and 2015 with the UK as my base. But....

Plans changed and now I'm going back! I rediscovered what it means to make a commitment and have to follow it through. That means I finally decided to stop procrastinating and started packing my bags. It still feels a bit weird and a bit scary to think that I'll be saying goodbye to the UK in a few days' time and returning to Nigeria. It almost feels like going back to my past, but finding that I've changed while the past has remained the same. I left Nigeria as a young, awkward, shy teenager just finished my A'Levels and about to start an Undergraduate course. That journey began sometime in September 2000. Many years later, I'm a very different person, with a different outlook in life.

I have to say, that my time in the UK has been a very productive one. I've been very blessed to have the experiences I've had, the husband and children I'm returning with, the education I have absorbed, the exposure to different cultures, meeting amazing people and making wonderful friends, the chance to rediscover my gifts and turn them into a career that I'm passionate about, the places I've been able to explore, and so much more. I'm very thankful to God for these blessings, and I'm reminded that He who brought me thus far to this chapter in my life, is more than able to take me through the next chapter and all that is coming next. I just have to trust Him and lean on Him completely.

So, while I'm making plans for 2015, I'm keeping at the back of my mind that I have to be prepared for a few surprises along the way! "Expect the unexpected" so to speak. Most people who have

relocated back to Nigeria have told me that the best thing is to be ready both mentally and emotionally. And to forget everything you know about living abroad so that you can adjust back to Nigerian settings faster.

I wish you all a very blessed year in 2015. I know there may be good days and not so good days, there will be happy days and frustrating days, as such is life. But I wish you lots of smiles, laughter, adventures, celebrations, success and good health to enjoy it all.

The next time I blog again, it will be from my new location.

Till then, remain blessed and favoured!

Reflections

Hello friends,

It's been a while. I've been working, travelling, juggling motherhood with everything else on my plate, so it does happen that updating my blog takes a back seat sometimes. But I do miss having a journal, and I want to reignite that small but important aspect of my life. Actually, what I really miss, is writing in a diary, with a pen and having hours of time to myself to just scribble down my thoughts uninterrupted. But in this stage of life I'm in, time is such a luxury, so I'll have to make do with blogging once in a while. Hmmm.

I travelled to Nigeria in March and returned to the UK in August with my family. We were based in Port Harcourt for the four months, with a couple of trips to Lagos. I have to say that it was one very weird and eye-opening experience for many reasons. We are considering moving back sometime in the future, so this was a trip to "test the waters" and see what it would be like. But by the end of the trip, I returned to London with very mixed feelings. 

Some aspects of the trip were funny. I experienced culture shock, as usual, even though I still went back to visit in 2012. Upon arriving, the simplest things struck me as different. Seeing people carrying lots of cash around to pay for goods. Seeing people immediately count any amount of cash you give to them. Seeing Nigerians everywhere I looked (living in multicultural London, you see such a variety of nationalities). Seeing the huge and very obvious gap between the rich and poor. And so on. But for my three year-old, it was very amusing to watch her adjusting to a very different life from what she knew. For example, the fist time the electricity went off, she came to me and started apologising. She thought I had turned off the TV because I was upset with her. I laughed and laughed and after trying to explain that "sometimes the light goes off in Nigeria", seeing her confused face just made me laugh some more. She saw a cockroach for the first time and asked me, "What animal is this?", more laughter. We took a walk down the street and saw some muddy gutters and she said "Mummy, look! There are puddles in the road." Oh dear.

Now, actually living in Nigeria was unsettling. I think, in the past when I went back for visits, I didn't fully immerse myself in the day-to-day things that people did, so that didn't affect me. Or maybe because I was usually only staying a few weeks, so it was just a case of "I'll be out of here soon" so I tended to overlook a lot of things. But after a while, certain things about Nigerian society become obvious. The police. Where do I start from? The terrible customer service. Again, legendary. The roads, the lack of constant electricity, and the simplest things that I used to take for granted. The government? Who? Sigh. The religious fanaticism that is simple unbelievable. The level of dishonesty. The terrible work ethic. Then, the culture. The culture! At some point, I began to wonder if I had really grown up in Nigeria. Or if I had changed so much, that Nigeria was now a foreign place to me. I actually started doing research, asking people lots of questions, and taking notes so that I could understand my own people again. In fact, I started watching Nollywood films everyday, because I wanted to know (or remember again) what was normal and acceptable in Nigerian society. And what I found was (mostly) not pretty. In fact, a lot of things were downright disturbing. For one, the immense pressure on Nigerian females to suppress themselves and fit into a mould of cultural expectations was quite alarming. I didn't understand it for a long time, why some of the ladies based in Nigeria that I interact with online had some weird ideas about relationships, marriage, sexuality, ambitions, etc. But after returning to Nigeria, I started to understand. Then, realising how much misogyny and patriarchy is so deeply rooted in normal day to day life, made me bristle. I wondered, how do women put up with this? How do they cope? How do they not question these things? 

Case in point: I was watching a Yoruba Nollywood movie with my niece. One of the characters mentioned a proverb, "Omo to da, ti baba e ni, omo ti o da, ti iya re ni" which translates to "A good child belongs to the father, but a bad child belongs to the mother." Immediately I heard it, I was like "Why? WHY does the father get credit for a good child, and why does the mother get blame for a bad child? Aren't they jointly responsible for the upbringing of their children? Why doesn't the mother get any credit if the child turns out good? Or am I missing something here?" My niece tried to explain the proverb by saying that it means a woman has to do everything she can to make sure her child is not bad. But then, I argue, so what is the father doing? If a child is becoming bad, does he sit and fold his arms? That led to a long argument and discussion, and in the end, I realised that women in Nigeria have a very long way to go.

I could rant so much about so many other examples that I came across, but I wonder if it would make any difference. Maybe a little. Anyway I read an article on Sabi News by Joy Bewaji (click here to read) that sums up a lot of what I saw. The article is witty and funny but also very very sad. A year ago, I would have been naive enough to believe that she was exaggerating, but now I know better.

Well, the upside of going to Nigeria is that there is plenty of inspiration for crazy flash fiction stories (lol). Stuff that would strike people as unbelievable happen every day in Nigeria. You don't have to look far to see, hear or experience drama. So hopefully, when I need inspiration, I can dig into my Nigerian experience and come up with something. I'm hoping to publish another collection of flash fiction stories before the end of the year. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I've been busy working on Accomplish Press. We've completely redesigned the website and updated our publishing focus and services for writers. If you're interested in taking your ideas from inside your head to books reaching your audience, then check us out @ Accomplish Press. We can help make your publishing dreams come true. We're also co-hosting an event for writers in London in November, and I'll be sharing more details about that soon.

If you're still reading this blog post, thanks for staying with me. I appreciate it and I hope you'll leave a comment. Or two. Or come back again. Cheers and have a great weekend!

Feature - Finding My Right Path

Recently I was asked by the editor of African Daydreams to do a feature article on my journey to becoming a writer.

I enjoyed doing this feature because it helped me to reflect on the past few years and how far I've come with my decision to change careers and become a writer.

You can read the whole feature here: Inspire: Beyond Daydreams

I really hope that I can inspire even one person to go out there and follow their dreams.

Have a great week!

On Life: (Female) Family Politics

I'm a big fan of Asa and I love both her albums. I've listened to both albums over and over again. She's such a great lyricist and all the words in her song make sense. She talks about life as she sees it - whether it is relationships, culture, family problems, politics, war and so on.

One of my favourite songs on her second album (Beautiful Imperfection) is Bimpe. I love the simplicity of the music and the beats, but above all, the song tells a story. It is the story of an unnamed  character, and Bimpe is her boyfriend (or husband)'s younger sister. But they do not get on at all. The narrator accuses Bimpe of overstepping her boundaries, of disrespect, saying bad things about her and of sticking her nose into her private affairs.

Now in Yoruba culture, a wife is supposed to respect all her husband's family members, even if they are younger than her. Perhaps this Bimpe takes advantage of that culture and is rude and disrespectful of her brother's wife because she knows that the wife cannot openly confront her. So in the song, the narrator is trying to send Bimpe a warning to back off and stop disturbing her relationship with her brother.

I tried to imagine myself in that situation.Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my hubby's sisters who are lovely people. But we hear so many horror stories of wife and in-law battles, or the political games that both sides try to play to keep the peace even if they don't get on well. I have friends who are happily married, apart from the fact that they don't like members of their husband's family. And I have friends who don't particularly like the lady that their brother is dating or married to. 

It also seems to be a woman thing, for some reason. I don't hear of wives having battles with their father-in-law or brother-in-law. It's usually the husband's female relatives that are hostile to his wife. I wonder why. Are we females so selfish and possessive that we feel we have to protect our "territory"? Do we see the new woman in a son or brother's life as a threat to our own position? Is there no room in a man's life for other women apart from his immediate family? Questions, questions.....

Anyway, back to Asa's song about Bimpe. Someone needs to tell her to chill and back off - that's what the narrator is saying. It almost sounds like "Your brother loves me, deal with it." I love the way the narrator even calls Bimpe out on some of her own issues - Bimpe is unmarried but she has a child out of wedlock. Bimpe has no manners, but she is looking for a husband to marry. Bimpe, fix your issues and stop minding other people's business!

My other favourite song on the album is "Ore", that's another very interesting story. We'll save that for another day....

Did I tell you I looooooooooooove Asa? Here's a photo of me posing like Asa. The photographer knew I was a huge fan, so he handed me the guitar to pose with. I wish I could actually play though!

(c) Tolulope Popoola

On Life: Blowing My Trumpet

I've been tagged (and nagged) by Aloted so I came to update my blog. It was well overdue! Honestly, I've had the urge to blog several times, but I can't seem to find enough hours in the day. And every little creative spark I have at the moment is going towards my professional writing. But anyway, back to the post:

Aloted and NoLimit came up with this idea for us to reflect and think about ten really positive attributes about us. (Here's the link to Aloted's post - here). I thought it was a great idea as Aloted mentioned, somehow we find it easy to remember the negative aspects of our character and we ignore the positives. So this got me thinking... and it was slow at first, but soon I was able to come up with more than ten good things about me.

So here goes:

Adaptable: I find that I can adjust to situations easily. Sometimes the fear of the unknown gets me worried, but once I'm in a situation, I can adjust and adapt easily.

Generous: I'm able to give and share easily. If I have something and someone else is in need, I will give. I actually find it enjoyable to give because I like it when the recipient is happy.  Sharing my stuff comes easy to me too.

Dedicated: I don't commit to things easily, but once I do, there's no going back. I will make sure I see it through to the end. Whether it's a relationship, a project, an idea, etc.

Creative: Of course. I have to be, I was created by an awesomely creative God, lol. I find that the more I express my creativity, the more I get creative ideas. Whether it's in writing, cooking, interior design, problem-solving, or other things, I enjoy coming up with something new and different.

Curious: Not about gossip or other people's business, lol. I have a thirst for life and knowledge. I love to read, to travel, to explore, to experience new things. I love to ask questions about the big issues in life.

Optimistic: I like to see things in a positive light. I function better when I'm positive about the outcomes of any task. I'm drawn towards happy, good, positive things. I like to dream big and hope for the best all the time. I can't stand negativity, it drags me down.

Loyal: I just am. I haven't got many friends, but I am very loyal to the ones I have. I don't think it's fair to betray anyone, much less someone that considers you a friend.

Thoughtful: I consider all angles before I speak or act. I don't like to feel that I acted rashly or unfairly towards anyone, so I go out of my way to avoid that. If it was unavoidable or unintentional, I always apologise.

Team-Player: I can work very well in a team. I like to share tasks, do my part and make sure that everyone else is doing their part too. I will happily offer to help out other members so that the whole team achieves its goals.

Gentle: I'm usually calm and gentle, not a lot stresses me out. I don't like aggression or drama so I stay well away from it. I like my peace of mind too much to go looking for trouble.

There we are! I really enjoyed doing this, actually. I should recall this post from time to time, when I'm tempted to beat myself up.

So to share this, I would like to tag:  Doll, Jaycee, Lara Daniels, Just Doyin, Believer, Vera, Simeone, Yellow Sisi, Shorty, Just Joxy, Enybee, Jhazmyn, ... okay, EVERYONE who has commented on my blog this year!

Stay blessed and favoured!

FG

On Life: Sober Thought

Life is funny. When you're at the top of one stage, you're at the bottom of another.

Article - Need to Compare?

Have you ever felt that compared with "everyone else" around you, your own circumstances are the worst? Do you have thoughts like "all my mates have achieved this, done that, have this or have that" and I haven't? I'm now exploring this idea of measuring myself with another person's yard stick. Where does it come from? Is it parents, peer pressure, the society as a whole or just my own unrealistic expectations?

It's probably a mixture of all four. On one hand, it drives me to want to achieve more and more (sort of like healthy competition) to ensure that I can boast too, but on the other hand, it makes me think "What's the point? That person just had better opportunities than I have". Like when you hear of your classmate in university who is now a millionaire, or your friend from high school now running her own fashion empire. You are happy for them of course, but you also compare yourself and you end up feeling very small.

I think it starts when we still are young. You are put in a classroom with 15 or so other 3-year olds. There you are expected to all be at the same level, grow at the same speed and learn at the same pace. If for any reason you don't keep up with the rest of the class, then there's a problem with you. This pattern continues throughout life. You want the latest toys because "everybody has one". You want to wear a certain item of clothing because "that's what all the other kids are wearing". You want to feel like you are similar to everyone. You find yourself constantly looking around and checking to see if you are ahead or behind of your peers. And parents also keep telling you about their own friends' children who are doing much better than you.

Then you grow up and suddenly you realise that some things are outside your control. Your career is progressing very slowly meanwhile your mates have soared far ahead. Or your mates are getting engaged, married, and having babies while you are still single. Or your friend has just bought a new house, while you are still renting or living at home. It all adds up to a perfect recipe for frustration.

But why do we compare? Are we all given the same opportunities? Did God give us the same talents? Do we have the same circumstances? Do we all have the same goals? Do we have the same experiences or backgrounds? No, no, no and no. We don't even have the same genes!

So I've decided, from now on, I'm not going to compare myself with anyone else. I am me. I am unique. We all have our time and purpose to fulfil on earth. My time and purpose is not dependent on other people. Only God is in full control. And only God will I give the ability to push me forward.


Image credit: plmtwine.com

On Life: Achilles' Heel

It's been a busy time for me in the last two months. Apart from writing, I've had my family coming over, been taking driving lessons, and generally moving into a new phase of my life. I've also been catching up on my reading, as I've got so many books on my to-read list, it's unbelievable. But I still can't stop myself from buying more! In the last month, I've read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (this was quite a strange book, very different from what I would usually pick up, but it was a very good read nonetheless), The Boy Next Door by Irene Sabatini (I quite enjoyed reading this love story woven around the politics of Zimbabwe), and  Love at Dawn by Lara Daniels (a tale of love, forgiveness and redemption which I thoroughly enjoyed reading) and I'm looking forward to a couple more before the end of the year.

Ever since I saw the movie Troy, I've been fascinated with the main characters in the story, especially Achilles. He was the great hero of the Trojan War and apparently when he was a baby his mother dipped him into a river which made him invincible except for his heel. According to Greek mythology, Achilles grew to become a great warrior and no one could stop him until Paris, a prince of Troy managed to shoot an arrow into his heel. Thus the phrase "Achilles heel" came to mean a weakness or flaw that can lead to a person's downfall in spite of his overall strength. 

This story makes me think that we all have a weakness that can potentially lead to our downfall if we don't deal with it. I can think of many great men who have been destroyed by their lack of self-control when it comes to women. Some people have ended up in prison because of their greed for money. Some people have committed atrocious acts because of anger. And the list goes on. It may seem like it's not a big deal, and just overlook a small flaw in ourselves, but we do need to be careful. I know that I have my weaknesses too, and I have to constantly ask God for grace to overcome them. It can be all too easy to let one thing get out of hand, until we lose control and succumb to negative desires.

If you are struggling with some temptations or something that goes against your principles, please don't ignore it or hope it would go away by itself. You have to take steps to make sure you don't fall. For example, if you know your married boss at work is showing inappropriate interest in you, it would certainly not be wise to go on a dinner date with him. Do what you can to remove yourself from such sticky situations! One little slip of judgement could be all it takes, and before you know it, you are involved in an affair.

Oh well, that's enough sermonising for now, lol.  Check out some of my new stories and flash fiction before you leave! Thanks for visiting!

FG

Article - University of Life

Sometime ago I pondered about this modern world of ours. Something is really wrong. There is a break down of society as a whole. We read of shootings and stabbings daily in the newspapers. We hear of gangs of youths carrying knives and guns to defend themselves with. We hear of marriages breaking up everyday - divorce rates are soaring and people are choosing not to get married anyway. We hear that stress at work is a major killer and cause of many serious diseases. We see the picture of the ideal family unit broken almost beyond repair. We see people sacrificing everything in the pursuit of happiness that just seems to elude them. Why is it so? I think it is mostly because we have placed the emphasis on the wrong things.

From the moment we are born, we are thrust into a society that places so much importance in education and defines us by success in our careers. How? We'll take the life of this typical child. From the day he is born, his parents bought him the best 'educational toys' that aim to give him a headstart in learning skills. His parents do all they can to enroll him in the best nursery school where he is to learn basic skills in speech, reading and writing. After that, he goes on to primary school where he is taught a wide range of subjects to give him a knowledge base that will be useful in future. Fast forward to three years of secondary school and then he is expected to make certain choices in his subjects that will start to define his future career. By the time he is finished with secondary school, success means achieving a place at university to study a degree. This degree will be his ticket to a life-long career. He may need to continually update his qualifications for example, getting a Masters qualification, taking some examinations etc. Success is measured by his job and how much he earns. Assuming he finished education at 24, he spends the next 40-odd years of his life working 9 - 5, Monday to Friday to earn a living. If the UK government have their way, he would be working until he is in his 70s before he can retire and claim a pension. But is that all?

Now I think education is a good thing. I think every child on this planet should be given an equal chance to succeed with a certain level of education. But I find it worrying that we place so much importance on just that - education and career. Is there not more to life than acquiring a degree? Would having a brilliant career make everyone's life fulfilled?

I read something in 'My Daily Bread' a while back. A survey was conducted about what people would want to reflect on in their final moments on this earth. What would they look back on and count as achievements? Strings of degrees? An impressive CV? Hefty bank accounts? List of awards and certificates? No. The main response people gave was they they would want their loved ones around them when they were on their death-bed. Furthermore, the biggest regret expressed wasn't "I wish I had spent more time at work". It was "I wish I had spent more time with my family". Family and loved ones always took priority over education and achievements.

Now if this is true, how come we still have this dysfunctional world? How come we spend the vast majority of our lives either in education or working endlessly pursuing material wealth? How come you can go to university to study virtually any subject in academics or research but there is no university that teaches us about the real-life challenges we face? You can study to become a Financial Analyst but who teaches you how to cope with the grief of losing of a loved one? You can study to become a doctor but where do you study to become a good husband or wife? I can graduate with a Bcs in Mathematics but where can I get a degree in Good Parenting Skills? Those are the things that really challenge us as individuals and no amount of education can help.

If I could change the world, I would shake up the current set-up. I would not be happy in a world where the majority of hours in the week,  is all but committed to working, working, working. A world where the main driving force is money, money, money. When do we have time to actually live? When do we have time to grow and learn to become better people? Why won't we have a society that is crumbling?

On Life: Faith vs Common Sense

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to." ~ George Seaton

For a while I've been pondering on faith, and its implications for the way I live my life every day. Sometimes when I'm at a crossroads and I need to make a decision, I often have a dilemma. Should I go with common sense or should I walk by faith? Do I go with my instincts? Should I make a list of pros and cons and use pure common sense to make a decision? Should I weigh all the options and go with the most "logical" conclusion? Should the way forward be the most "reasonable" one?

However, as a Christian who has decided to make God the CEO of my life, I've sometimes had to step back and wait for a different direction. The bible says: "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". The bible also says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding."

There are many examples of God asking His people in the bible to make decisions that totally make no sense. God called Abraham to leave all that he knew, his father's house and go to a strange land. God told Noah to build an ark when there was no sea or river around him. God told Gideon to go to war with only 300 men when they were facing an enemy army of over 100,000 soldiers. Each time, it required true faith to for each of these people to override their common sense and obey God.

Still, it can be really scary when common sense clashes with what you believe God is telling you to do. If God says: quit your job and become a full-time missionary in some remote village, what immediately comes to mind? Questions and doubts of course. Like: how will I survive without a regular income? What about my career? Will I be safe there without my family and friends around me? Etc.

Even the strongest amongst us wrestles with doubt sometimes. It's normal, it's natural, it's part of being human. But from my little experience, I'll say that in the end, common sense has its place but faith triumphs over it. As long as your faith is in God and what He has called you to do, you cannot go wrong.

• Common sense relies on your own limited abilities. Faith relies on God's unlimited ability.
• Common sense stops when things get rough. Faith keeps going when common sense is exhausted.
• Common sense says you should play it safe. Faith challenges us to step beyond our comfort zone
• Faith says one failure does not mean the end. Common sense says you should give up if it doesn't work the first time.
• Common sense limits you to only what you know. Faith empowers you to stretch your imagination.

Thanks for reading!

FG

On Life: Domestic Staff

I've been thinking about the way the vast majority of middle and upper class Nigerians treat their domestic staff - people like housemaids, gatemen,/security men, drivers, gardeners and so on. The other day, I was discussing the issue with some friends and we all agreed that, in general, they were treated in an appalling way.

From what I've observed, they are treated like second-class citizens in the homes where they work. They often don't share the same living quarters with the rest of the family. Or they are given the worst spaces possible. They use a different set of utensils to eat, for some reason. They are given cast-offs of the children's clothes to wear.

Then they are spoken to in awful ways. Sometimes I would visit a friend and she would be speaking with me nicely and politely, and then turn around to use a harsh and intimidating tone on her housemaid, and call her abusive names. I don't understand it. Sure you can use a firm tone when you are giving instructions to an employee but is there a need for the constant stream of abuse? Would any of us take that kind of attitude from our managers at the office?

Which brings me to my next point. Domestic staff have little or no employment rights. They don't have regular working hours, due to the nature of their work. They also don't have any benefits. They don't have holidays, they don't get days off, they don't have anything called a social life. They don't get sick days off or sick pay. Sometimes they don't go to school and can't learn any skill while they are working for their masters. I'm sure none of us professional ladies would ever imagine working for a company that didn't give us any time off or holidays, or allow us any social life. We would protest, but we give the same treatment to our own employees. I have even heard women complaining bitterly when it's Christmas time, and their maid wants to take a couple of weeks off to go and visit her family. It's almost like, she's not human and she doesn't need time off to go and see her family. Never mind that madam has time off from her own job so that she can enjoy her Christmas holiday.

Furthermore, the physical violence towards them is just horrible. Women who won't raise a hand to strike their own children seem to see no qualms in beating their maids to a pulp at the slightest offence. For some reason, the maid always deserves a beating whenever she makes a mistakes, whereas their children do worse things, but they don't get beaten. Why? What makes it different? Would any of us tolerate physical abuse at work? Why do we think it is okay to hit our domestic staff?

The funny thing is that these mistreatments are not limited to any type of woman. I have witnessed women from all spheres of life mistreating their domestic staff. Even women who should know better, like pastor's wives, lawyers or human right's activists. We can speak out against so many injustices in the world, but for some reason, we turn a blind eye to the ones we do right under our nose.

We can argue that we can't trust them, they are rogues, thieves and what not. But for the amount of money they are paid, and the useful service they provide to us, most of our domestic staff don't get treated well. So of course, they don't have much of an incentive to behave properly. Domestic staff do a very difficult job around the house. They allow many professional women the ability to have a career and a social life. Yet we don't appreciate what they do and the assistance they provide.

Has anyone tried to put themselves in their maid's shoes? Think about it for a moment. You are a young girl who should be in school. But you're taken away from your family and sent to the city to work for a strange family. You could be scared, lonely and homesick, but you have to put all those emotions aside and get on with it. You have to endure working from sunrise to sunset every single day of the week. You must be at the beck and call of your employer at all times. If you are really lucky you will end up working for a nice family that will treat you well. But the majority are treated harshly by everyone in the family - from the madam, to the oga, to the children. And you dare not complain. In fact, who will you complain to? Who will believe you, if you say your madam is mistreating you, or your oga is making sexual advances towards you? The best you can do is to run away. But where does that leave you? Out of a job, broke and lost in a big city. Or worse.

I hope we can all start making some small changes to the way we treat our maids. It may just be a small change we make everyday, but it would make a whole world of difference to someone. I would like to imagine a world where housemaids can point to the time they spent with their madams and say that those years were one of the best times of their lives.

Food for thought.

On Life: Books on My Desk

My books arrived from Amazon! So I've now got six books on my desk to devour. I've already started reading "In Dependence" by Sarah Ladipo Manyika. I might do a review of it when I'm done.

Apart from reading, I've been getting back into the swing of writing again. I've had to abandon my book manuscript for now. I hope to start working on another one very soon. Will keep you all posted.

And finally: I want to apologise to you guys for the closure of our "In My Dreams It Was Simpler" series blog. One of our writers was indisposed, and we were also making some changes to the story. Thanks for being patient with us! The blog has reopened now, and the series would be updated tomorrow so do check it out!

Have a lovely weekend ahead!

FG

On Life: Books Books Books!

This might sound kinda sad, but I'm so excited because I've just bought some books! Lol, I love reading, and now that I'm a writer it's become part of my job to read. My book shelf is now groaning under the weight of stuff, but that won't make me stop buying books! I've been eyeing so many books for a while, my Amazon wish-list has been calling my name, so I just decided to go ahead and treat myself this month.

I bought:

Blonde Roots by Bernardine Evaristo

On Black Sisters' Street by Chika Unigwe

I Do Not Come to You by Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

In Dependence by Sarah Ladipo Manyika

And finally: In My Dreams It Was Simpler

 (Yep, I bought a copy of our own book! It's for research purposes, lol)

I can't wait for all of them to arrive in the post! I'm eager to bury my head in crisp pages of literature... transporting me to places far away... introducing me to new people... bliss...

I think I'm sorted for the next month or so, but knowing me, I might just buy a few more sooner!

PS: Check out my interview on The Bookaholic Blog! (better late than never)

Enjoy the rest of your week!

FG

On Life: Imagine Me

I woke up and this Kirk Franklin song was playing over and over in my mind. It got me thinking about the time in my life when I was very timid, shy and insecure person, struggling with low self esteem. I remember those feelings of "not being good enough", "not being pretty enough" and so on clearly. I have vowed that the one thing I will make sure I do when I have children of my own is to instill healthy self-esteem and self-confidence into them from a young age.

If there is anyone who has never had to deal with low self esteem, there are no words to accurately describe the feelings. It's like a huge cloud hanging over you, darkening everything in your mind. It's like a voice whispering in your head constantly - saying that you are not important, you don't matter, you will never be good enough, you can't do anything good, so why bother? It's the critic in your mind that measures you against everyone else and tells you that you fall far short. It's not believing in yourself or your own talents and abilities. It's like a hopeless despair that you don't deserve anything good, so even when good things happen to you, you are questioning them or thinking they cannot last. It's blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life. It's hating yourself and wishing you could be someone else - anyone just as long as it's not you. It's looking up to someone else to define who are and what you can be. It's settling for less because you don't believe you deserve more. It's not knowing your value and worth.

Need I go on? It's awful, awful awful, and I know this because I went through it. And my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling with these issues. A lot of problems we face in our lives and relationships can be traced to these issues. Why do some women stay with abusive partners? Because they don't think they deserve better. Why do some people give up on their dreams? Because they don't believe they have what it takes to succeed.

I can't but be very thankful to God everyday for bringing me out of that twisted way of thinking about myself. Every time I remember, I say "Thank You God because I am not who I used to be some years ago". It wasn't easy but I am sooooo glad that I have gotten over that negative way of thinking about myself - who I am, whose I am and what I am capable of. And I could only have changed my mindset with God's Word and God's help. I have blogged about this in an older post here but I just felt like someone needed to read this today.

God's word says that He is our Father. He knew you before you we were born. You are a unique individual, created in God's image and likeness. He formed you in your mother's womb. He saw you and declared that you are very good. He is with you every single day. His thoughts towards you are thoughts of good, not of evil. He loves you with an unconditional love that nothing can take away. He loves you so much that He sent His son to die for you because - guess what? You are worth it! You are so valuable to God that even the hairs on your head are numbered. He has invested His time, gifts and talents in you, so you don't need to compare yourself with anyone else. He has kept you and preserved your life thus far, and He has great plans for you.

The voice telling you negative things about yourself is the enemy. You can choose not to believe it. Instead fill your mind with the positive words of love and affirmation that God has spoken concerning you. With time, you will start to believe in what God has said about you. Don't let low self-esteem hold you down any longer. Start believing in yourself and your worth!

Be blessed!

FG

On Life: My.First.Rejection.Letter

I got my first rejection letter from a publisher yesterday. It is a rite of passage for every aspiring author :) In fact I got a text from my published writer friend to say congrats! Apparently it means I am now a real writer! lol.

As far as rejection letters go, this one's not too bad actually. The publisher said "Unfortunately with the publishing industry in it's current state, I felt your novel would not be commercial enough". I want to remain positive, so I will take that to mean the novel was not completely rubbish, and her rejection is simply down to economics and timing. I've heard of editors giving some really funny reasons for rejecting a novel to the tune of "Do yourself a favour and don't give up the day job"! So FG will pick herself up and carry on. As someone else said, it can only mean I'm one step closer to meeting the right publisher.

The fear of rejection was one of the things I was so worried about when I first decided to start writing, but I think I've had to see it as one of the things that come with the business side of writing, and not take it personally. Even the most successful authors who have won long lists of awards for their writing had to face rejection at some point. Determination and resilience is an essential strength to have in this game, and a thick skin is also very useful!

On to other news:

To say a big thank you to our readers and supporters, we are running a competition and giveaway for the next three weeks on our series blog! Check it out! This is the first one and entries will close on Monday the 14th. There will be two more competitions and prizes until Christmas, so make sure you click over to the blog now and enter. You could be a winner!

Hope you enjoy the rest of the week and have a great weekend ahead.

FG

On Life: When the Bible is Silent

As a Christian, I believe that the Bible is the Word of God and He has put in there guiding principles for me to live my life by. I’m often amazed at how God uses the Bible to speak to me concerning a situation I’m dealing with, or a choice I have to make. Sometimes it’s a direct commandment, sometimes it’s a guiding principle, sometimes I have to discern what to do from the examples of other people’s lives recorded in the bible, sometimes it’s not my choice but my motives that I am reminded to examine. Several times I might have even made a decision and I just read the Bible to know if God approves or not.

But sometimes I know we face choices that the Bible is silent on. Perhaps it’s a situation that is peculiar to our modern society that did not exist in biblical times. Sometimes it’s a cultural thing, something that the Jewish people did not agree with, but it’s acceptable in our own culture. Sometimes the Bible doesn’t always give us the answers in black and white and we have to find other means of arriving at our own conclusions.

The other day, I was watching a TV programme about space travel. The scientists on the programme were talking about how much time and money has been spent by the US government on the Space Programme and how Russia, China and some other countries were also dedicating mind-boggling sums of money to space exploration so that they can claim territories on the moon and other planets. There was an argument afterwards as to why we human beings have not finished solving the problems we have on Earth, but we are going to space. Someone mentioned that if we dedicated a fraction of the amount of money we have spent on space travel to humanitarian causes, we can end world hunger and world poverty. So where does the bible stand on this? Should we be exploring other frontiers, or should we solve one problem before we go and look for more?

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the speaker was talking about the choice between burial and cremation. Apparently some Christians have been torn between buying expensive land for burials and choosing cremation as a cheaper option. The bible is silent on this topic, but in biblical times, the Jews placed a big importance on burial. Meanwhile the Greeks, Romans and other cultures cremated their dead. The speaker was saying that if we were faced with such a choice today, will the Bible be a conclusive reference? Should we go by the Jewish culture or should we ignore that, especially now that the world is a crowded place and burial land is now at a premium?

Then there are other personal issues like whether or not to have children. The bible does say that we should “go forth and multiply” but nowadays there are more and more couples that make the decision not to have children for valid reasons. Should we say they are wrong? What about the genotype of your future partner, if you find out that you and your fiancée are both sickle-cell carriers? What about the choice between keeping a pregnancy that resulted from abuse or getting rid of it? What about the issue of a choice between staying in a bad marriage and opting for a divorce? What about culture versus Christianity on the issue of polygamy? (Yes there are some Christians that defend polygamy. I was shocked when I found some books and resources where some people argued that many of the great men in the bible were polygamous and God still blessed them). So if that was not God’s plan, why is the bible silent on such a major topic?

Sometimes the issue is not even that the bible is silent, but it seems to contradict itself. There are many passages that suggest the exact opposite of each other. We then have people split into factions, each side quoting the bible to support their stand. Many churches have been split up over issues that the bible does not have a clear answer, for example: female church leaders, polygamy, eating certain foods, what to do with church leaders that sin, and many more. These generate countless questions that we can debate for hours and years but ultimately we have to come to our own conclusions.

I feel that if I come across a question or a choice that the bible does not adequately address, I have to then go to God directly and ask Him what to do and what to believe. I know don’t have all the answers, I don’t have the full picture and I certainly can’t solve all of the world’s problems. I have one way of knowing if I’m taking the right step: peace. If I feel at peace with my decision, then I’m confident that I’m in God’s will. Now it’s not my place to impose my own view or my own choices on other people for what works for me is not necessarily what will work for everybody. Only God sees all and knows all. I’ll let Him be the judge.

On Life: I Like Being Me

She was my friend, from way back in secondary school. Back then I was an awkward, insecure teenager not sure of who I was. She was the pretty and popular one, the confident one, the one with all the social skills. Everyone liked her – from the principal, to the staff and to the students. Everyone wanted to be her friend. I was the painfully shy and quiet one that hardly ventured out of my shell and the few close friends I had. I used to wish I was like her, I wished I had some of her beauty and her popularity. Fortunately, I wasn’t jealous of her and she was a very nice girl, so we got on brilliantly in spite of our obvious different personalities. We were very close friends throughout secondary school days; we had secret codes that only two of us could understand. She was the only person I could willingly allow to read my diary, which is saying a lot as I was quite a guarded person back then.

We remained friends after secondary school. We even went to college together, becoming friends with another girl and together the three of us formed a close knit group. After college I came to the UK to study and she remained in Nigeria, but we still kept in touch. The distance was never a problem, she came over once a year and a simple phone call was all it took for us to resume our friendship where we left off.

Okay, fast forward to last week. I logged onto yahoo messenger and she was online so we started chatting. We had been talking about normal girly stuff for a bit when I mentioned that I cut my hair off cos I wanted to start over and that’s when the conversation changed.

She said: “I don’t have the courage to do half of the things you do”

I was like “What? What things?”

She said: “You do brave things. Like cutting your hair and starting over. I could never do that”

I said: It wasn’t a big deal. I just didn’t like my permed hair anymore”

She said: “It’s not just that. You travel a lot, you eat all kinds of foods when you travel, and you quit your job to become a writer”

I said: “lol, that’s just me becoming more adventurous”

She said: “I wish I was like that. You’re my role model”

I can’t remember what I typed next cos in my mind I was like “REALLY!”

Thinking about our conversation later, something interesting struck me. I couldn’t believe that I had spent a lot time when I was younger wishing I was more like her, but all the while she was wishing she was more like me! It was quite a revelation to me that she could even think of me as her role model, something I had never even imagined myself to be, except maybe to my little sisters.

I’m glad I’m no longer that awkward, insecure teenager. I am now secure in who I am. It’s such a blessing to realise that I am the best person to be. God made me, ME for a reason and I’m not meant to be trying to be anyone else. It’s when I stop trying to be someone else that I appreciate who I am. And that’s when I find out other people want to be like me.